No, I don't have a son, the closest thing I have is an insufferable cat with a lousy sense of direction; still, I ran into this "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace" review and I liked it so badly that I had to share it with you, guys. By the way, the guy who supposedly hung himself was the reviewer's son-- his words, not mine.
The review is a little bit old. Yes, the Phantom Menace hit the theaters in 1999 if I recall correctly that lousy date in the movies, but the fan trauma still remains. A disappointment that ran for 3 movies, each time tearing apart the hope for something better.
I loved the review's tone and I hope you like it as much as I did. It certainly is better than the movie itself.
If you liked the review, there are more parts of it available on Youtube. Go hunt them down and kill them all!
On one side we had Uncle Deadly. With little success, he could have seen in this supposed son a free pass to a glory he never had. Claiming Larfleeze's fatherhood would earn him the spotlight, an orange spotlight, though, but beggars can't be choosers.
And on the other side, we had Gonzo. The tragic hero-- er-- the tragic furry blue kind of bird-like creature of the Muppet Show, probably seeking a new born respect in the image of a son who could really strike fear in the hearts of everyone!
The odds were on and what do you think we did? DNA tests? A jury trial? A debate? No! We did a poll and you were the one responsible for these results!
Uncle Deadly was the winner! We'll have to check on Larfleeze later, but for now, we'll hand you winning dad's comments:
The news about Gonzo being Larfleeze's real father ran fast through the streets and reached Manhattan and Uncle Deadly's lair, in no time. You should have seen the mortal guy fret like a maniac!
Uncle Deadly, former obscure member of the Muppet Show and writer and interpreter of the number one hit song "The Sheik of Araby" was dismayed by the sudden appearance of Larfleeze and his supposed lineage. More on this later as we give you a glimpse of Uncle Deadly's former glory.
"Larfleeze is not Gonzo's son!", he yelled at us in a quick press conference he summoned. "And if you need proof, all you have to do is look at Larfleeze and then look at me. The Orange Agent's got my eyes!"
"Curioser, curioser," we said, "we've seen fathers denying their parenthood, but never so many fathers claiming such an ugly boy."
On the other hand, you already saw Gonzo's tragic story about his secret love affair and the forbidden fruit that was born as a result.
Who do we trust?
We'll trust you!
Vote in this poll and in a week from now, the ultimate truth will be finally revealed!