Lady Gaga Loves Kermit

One of our paparazzis got this lucky shot, displaying Lady Gaga's and Kermit's unprecedented love.  So far, Lady Gaga has been accused of zoophilia, which is the practice of sex between humans and animals, but we still don't have proof since this could be just a stunt to gain some more media attention.  We're still checking if this is even legal.  As long as they don't want to get married, we guess they're not breaking any laws.  You know, marriage is a privilege of only a few.

When confronted about their relationship, Lady Gaga just yelled "Leave us alone!"  Of course, we wouldn't stop there, but it was fun to see her struggle. 

We continued with our press-stalking for a few days until we ran into a very discombobulated Lady Gaga (yes, we always wanted to say "discombobulated" in an actual article).  She was broken hearted.  That's when it hit us, they had broken up.  Turns out Kermit was just using her as a rebound girl.

We approached the famous singer very carefully.  "So, we hear the frog likes pork much better."  She broke into a burst of tears and we couldn't get an official statement out of her.  All we got were some rumors about Kermit liking his girls chubbier.  So, it didn't take us by surprise to see him back into the arms of Miss Piggy. 

"I'm really sorry about Gaggy," admitted Kermit with a gesture of sadness drawn in his face, "but she's no Piggy, you know, I just love Piggy so badly."  He seemed sincere and who can blame him?  Piggy may have been found guilty of the AH1N1 disease, but she's a dear.  Just ask her fans.

Devil Wears Kermit

Lady Gaga's was a fashion statement.  Kermit's, we're really not so sure.

When approached by our journalists, Kermit simply broke into a frenzy laughter babbling something about women getting what they deserved and that he was no longer a toy.  Keep in mind that no long ago Kermit was supposedly killed by Miss Piggy's diseases.  How he managed to survive is anyone's guess.  Ever since  his return from death, Kermit has been erratic and we worry he might do something drastic.

Off with the Pig, In with the Gaga

They said Miss Piggy was done. That her success was a 70's thing, maybe even 80's, that her best was already past.

Well, let us tell them wrong.

Miss Piggy reinvented herself with the hit song "Porky Face". With a very unique style, she hit number 1 in a flash, leaving behind her past affairs with the Muppets and definitely, her long lost tormented love with Kermit the Frog.

She now calls herself Miss Gaga and she's up for the biggest success of her career.

So, sing along!

Can’t read my, can’t read my
No, he can’t read my Porky face
(she’s got to love nobody)

P-P-P-Porky face, P-P-Porky face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-P-P-Porky face, P-P-Porky face
(Mum mum mum mah)

Megan Fox Got Frogged

If you think Kermit would be mourning because of Miss Piggy's passing, you better think twice. One of our paparazzi's found this revealing picture showing both Megan and Kermit butt naked in a very confident way. When we finally located Kermit, he was surprised, but not ashamed at all.

"Too bad you found those pictures, but I'm not sorry I nailed the hottest girl around." He said leaving us a little confused. That's not the regular Kermit we used to know from the Muppet's Show. We guess he just matured well.

"It had been reported earlier that you had been ran over by Miss Piggy and that you were very dead. It's obvious that's not how it happened. What can you say about this?"

"Don't judge me, I just had to get rid of Miss Piggy somehow. The dead body-- that was my nephew, remember him? It may be a little racist to say that all frogs look the same, but he did look like me!"

"You killed him????"

"Oh, no, he overdozed, I just gave his death a little more meaning."

We left the room a little upset. This was not the Kermit whose songs made us jump up and down on the couch. Fame definitely went to his head.

And the AH1N1 Winner is...

...Miss Piggy!

"I was set up!," was the last thing we heard of her before she was taken into the oven. We did hear some weird Gonzo-like laughter behind when she was being cooked, but so far, we're just guessing.

Now, she can join Kermit the Frog in the afterlife, where he was sent after getting her infectious kiss.

Thanks for helping us decide who was the Pig Zero behind the pandemia. This is the final score:

Is Miss Piggy Dah Pig?

When faced with the cameras and the microphones, she just said, "No! Just because I'm the most famous pig to ever live, doesn't mean that I'm the one who got the whole pandemia started. Besides, if it was me, I would have called it the 'Blonde Pandemia', or "the Cute Sneeze", you know? This is just so not me."

One of our reporters added: "Mr. Kermit might think otherwise"

And she responded in anger, "I'm not the one that ran the pink truck over him!!!!" Everyone stared at her for quite a while. "Oops"


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Blame it on the Pig!

The rumor has been out for a while, now. The Swine Flu got spread and, thanks to a quick PR move, pigs were no longer guilty as charged. Another PR move and the entire disease got renamed into some AH1N1 Flu, doing their best to wipe the slate clean, hiding someone's guilt in the process. But we know the truth and now it's up to you to point fingers!

One of these pigs is the one to blame and you decide who it will be. Vote now and let's have some barbecue after party.

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Watch Out! Miss Piggy is mad!

She put on her best dress and she's looking for a new boyfriend. Yeah, she finally got it. Kermit wasn't a match for her. You know, pig, frog, DNA issues. Thing is she's looking for a human partner and that's just a no can do. They've called her many things, the last of them being the Swine Flu, so, to avoid to being caught unaware, just follow some simple rules. You know you don't want to get caught in her arms.

1. Don't sneeze or cough in your hands or in open air. Use a disposable handkerchief or a fabric one and wash it as soon as you can. If you don't have one, just use your sleeve.

2. Wash your hands before and after eating.

3. Wave your hand to welcome people. Kissing, hand shaking, the horror!, hugging, are off-limits.

4. Wash your hands after using the keyboard, cellphone, or any of those things that get hold of any virus and bacteria you're carrying in your hands; much better if you clean all of these devices regularly.

5. If you have the common flu, be wise and stay put, don't go to crowded places (unless you're going to the hospital, of course). You don't want to be the epicenter of some mass hysteria.

6. Try not to touch your face with your hands. Sucking thumbs, scratching noses, rubbing eyes, just hold them back. Go to your bathroom, wash your hands and, then, feel free to do it. Afterwards, wash your hands again.

7. Don't share glasses, food from the same plate, spoons, forks, etc, etc.

8. Did we mention to wash your hands? That's the best way to keep Miss Piggy away. So wash them whenever you can. They will look beautiful after a while.

So, take care of yourselves. Sing a song and go back to basic hygiene. It's simple and it can be fun. Yeah, maybe a little annoying, but it's worth it.