McTwilight

"You don't know how long I've waited for you."

The people at the restaurant stared at me for a moment and then turned back to their meals. It was weird enough I caught myself speaking my thoughts out loud, but being at the end of their judging eyes wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I walked into this McDonald's. One last giggle from a little girl did it. I packed my hamburger and walked out.

It was about to start raining again. I hated this weather. The sun never came through the clouds and it was so cold, so darn cold. Making sure no one was following me, I walked into the park, hurried, with my heart banging inside of my chest, not believing what I was getting myself into. It wasn't right, but was there anything I could do about it? I started to run, as the anxiety that devoured me had taken control of my legs. I ran and ran until I just couldn't get any further. Nobody was around, so I just made me stop. I forced myself. I stopped. I was actually chocking, not that I was any good at sports. Ever.

My pulse started raising again when I took hold of the paper bag and took the hamburger out of it. Carefully, I peeled out the envelope and its fragrance overtook me, clouding my senses, making me salivate as one of those dogs from the psychology lab. But I just wouldn't eat it, would I? Forcing myself to hold back my senses, I approached it to my mouth and I just kissed it. The soft bread barely touched my lips, but I felt its scent sticking to my mouth, only one bite, that's all it would take, one bite and I would taste it in its entirety forever, without holding back, without wasting another moment of this absolutely insane romance.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb." This time I just let the words slip out of my mouth. No one was listening, so why would I care. "What a sick, masochistic lion." And I allowed a little laughter escape past my defenses. It had been a while since I last even smiled. It felt good. How ironic to smile at my saddest time ever.

Finally, I sat down and put the hamburger on a rock and studied it with my eyes half closed, trying to see more about these slices of bread, lettuce, cheese and meat. Oh, the meat-- Every detail of it was imprinted on my mind, on my skin, and yet I had to fight the urge to just jump on it and eat it. I felt so eternal compared to this little burger. How long would it last with me? A week? It would start to smell, the bread would crumb down, it would just rot-- and me, I would be immortal at its side. Did it make any sense at all? What was I doing? "If you were smart you would stay away from me." But hey, not even I am this dumb, you won't understand what I'm saying. I know you're not like me. Not like me at all. But if you ask me, I'm glad you can't go anywhere. "Me-- I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore."

Suddenly it hit me. I had become weak; weaker than I ever thought. I was ashamed, yet I couldn't hold back any longer. I stood up and packed the burger once again. Half absent-minded and half determined, I walked out of the woods, not once looking back. My mind was set. "I'm breaking all the rules now anyway. Since I'm going to hell..."

How much time I spent in the forest, I just wouldn't know. Einstein said time was relative. How much fun he would have with me, now, since the day wasn't over yet and the McDonald's restaurant was still open. This had been the longest day of my entire life and it was far from over.

I stopped for a moment. No, I wasn't looking back, I was just savoring my decision. After all, it was my choice. No one else's. "I'd never given much though to how I would die. But dying in place of someone I love, seems like a good way to go. I can't bring myself to regret the decisions that brought me face to face with death. They also brought me to you, my McTwilight." Under the weight of my arms, the crystal doors opened, letting the cold of the outside fly into the room. People fought the cold breeze as long as it lasted and looked at me with judging eyes, again, for the last time, ever.

"Make me a burger," I said. In response a young lady smiled and pointed at the menu. "Miss, you don't understand. Make ME, a burger--"

A Flower Vase's Diary

Hello, I'm Flower-Vase Woods. As you might see, I'm a very well built and modern flower vase. I was created under a very exclusive scheme and internationally approved designs, if it wasn't because I was made at China as part of a very big Bokanovskyed lot of flower vases, I could be famous and have my own room at a museum or something. If I may be so bold, I'd like to add that I'm one of the very few flower vases with its very own name. Yeah, I'm proud of it.

You must be already guessing that my brothers and sisters should be so pleased with me, but sadly that's so not true. It happens that I'm the black cheep of the family. I do have this dark secret that sets me apart from my thousands of identical twins-- I'm allergic to pollen.

You can laugh if you want, but this harsh reality I've been forced to live in is not a joke. The first time I got a flower in me, I threw it up. The second chance, they put an Aspirin in my water as if it had some miraculous anti-allergic powers that would make me stop sneezing, which it didn't, by the way. I don't know where they got this idea; but truth is, it just made me feel worse-- Have you kept an Aspirin for a long time in your mouth? That's exactly how it felt to me. Oh, and you have no idea how it was when they tried an Alka-Seltzer on my water-- it was as if I had the rabies. Not fun at all, bordering on humiliation.

Ever since, my life has been complicated. My owners wanted to put me down for good and there was this huge argument at home. The kid said I could work as a bat, the lady seriously considered turning me into a lamp, but the sir insisted that if I wasn’t working as a flower vase, I was worthless. They couldn't make up their minds and all of a sudden I became the new paperweight. Beneath me there were all kind of messages: I'm getting grosseries, don't forget to pay the electricity bill, if Gramms calls tell her you're home alone.

Of course, that was years ago, now they just text their messages away and I'm stuck as some kind of door holder. Yup. They open the door and my task is to keep it open. They shut it down and they just leave me there, lying on the floor. It's anybody's wonder why I'm not broken.

You might guess I lead a sad sad life, that I'm a pathetic flower vase, that I should really consider recycling. But there is something super-special about me that I'm going to share with you. Yup, it's another secret: At night, when everyone's asleep, I put the cape on and I become-- the SuperFlowerVase!

Yeah! I may be allergic to pollen, but I do have super-powers that the most exotic flower vase would die for. I fly through the living room with my Super-Levitation, I watch over the bedrooms with my Sun Flower Vision, I bring fear into Cookie's heart with my Thorny Super-Sarcasm. Cookie is the dog of the house and he is just no puppy, and yes, he does deserve all kind of punishments for all the things he's done to me-- but let's leave this story for another day.

A couple of weeks ago there was this weird guy looking through the window. A burglar? A degenerate? A mutant, maybe? Thing is he was threatening my home, so, I floated right in front of him and gave him the eye. Oh, you don't want to see the eye-- And he just ran away in fear for his life.



At home they might not see any other thing than poor Flower Vase Woods, the sad, allergic flower vase that doesn't know a thing other than staying put. But they don't know about my secret identity. Behind the shy façade of a very generic piece of furniture, there's this all-powerful super-hero blossoming with amazing abilities who would do anything in the world to protect his family from the forces of evil.

Hello, I'm Flower-Vase Woods, it's very probable one of my brothers or sisters live at your place; tell them I said "hi".