Saturday, March 28, 2009
Dr. Manhattan and the Smurfs
Media covered it all about Dr. Manhattan's self-imposed exile on Mars. We saw the pictures, we read the official biography, we flipped through the graphic novel, we even saw the movie. But were any of those versions based on the truth? We just have to say it out loud. It was all a big sham.
One of our correspondents on Mars (don't ask), was covering the unveiling of the Martian Manhunter's Memorial, when he noticed this all-blue all-naked guy wandering around these desolated red lands without any apparent purpose. It didn't take much for our journalist to notice a couple of hideous blueish creatures, with such annoying voices, walking right behind Dr. Manhattan arguing over and over and over. We couldn't get a word of what the little monsters were saying, we can just assume it was Dutch, but it was evident they were having a big argument. All of sudden, they rolled on the floor hitting each other real hard. Hairs were pulled, faces were scratched, butts were kicked, and it all stopped when Dr. Manhattan just said "Enough!" This journalist's heart almost stopped when he heard that strong and commanding voice. One of the creatures dropped some sort of mirror he was carrying and it broke into thousands of pieces. The creature seemed beyond upset and we can just assume it was because of the seven years of bad luck deal. And so, Dr. Manhattan stared down at them with such a deep sorrow and said, "I won't be your sex toy any longer", and in a burst of light, he was gone, leaving behind the ashes of those really annoying creatures.
That's how Dr. Manhattan got back to Earth, we swear.