The New Wonder Woman's fierce stare-- revealed!

Ever since Gal Gadot's newest picture as Wonder Woman for the "Batman V Superman" movie hit the Internet, I knew there was something really off about those starving eyes--

Secret Origins 01 - Spoiler-Free Review

Now, this was quite refreshing!

After getting burned with Forever Evil and it's underwhelming outcome, and getting deeply bored by Future's End, I decided to try yet another DC book and see if I could finally stick with at least one.  This was actually a kiss goodbye, like the last chance to be impressed--  And did I get impressed!

It's no secret that I don't embrace the New 52 at all.  They destroyed their entire history just to be all the hype for a couple of months.  But then again, stories can always be told in a compelling way if the talent is there and if editorial doesn't interfere too much (meaning, keeping DiDio under chains).  This is a good example of great storytelling, at least for me.

I have never been a fan of anthology books, but for a change, these short stories seem to have more heart than these huge crossovers that go on and on and on and have no ending nor relevant outcome.

This particular issue told origins with a "twist".  Either because of the perspective in which they were told, or who told them, or the lingering theme in each one of these short stories.  All I have to say is that they were endearing and I deeply missed that in DC Comics in particular.  I sincerely hope they can keep it up.  I'm so done with their books being actual dead ends.

So, I would suggest you give this new series a try.  Issue 1 told stories for Superman, Dick Grayson and Supergirl and, yes, it was worth it.

No more New 52

I've read posts on this subject for years since this New 52 DC Universe got launched back in September, 2011; so this isn't anything you haven't read before, nor more heart-felt, not even original.  I've seen a lot of people speak up on this subject.  Some fans (because deep down we all are -or used to be- just fans) were furious, some were deeply sad, some were frustrated and there were still the hopeful ones who gave up and still wanted things to change for the better, sometime down the line.

Their message never got through and I highly doubt mine will, either.

So, here's this rant, sent into the digital universe more as a cathartic cry, not really asking for anything to happen, just to speak up my mind.

I've been a DC Comics fan for my entire life (see?, I told you I wasn't going to be of the original kind); I went through a lot of changes and rolled with the punches, some were good, some not so much and then, there was the New 52.  I set the New 52 apart because it was a different kind of creature.  It undid everything that was done before.  But unlike the famous Crisis on Infinite Earths, the outcome was rushed and the essence of the characters got dropped along with their history.  Superman was no longer the hero everyone looked up, no, now he was this troubled alien who felt out of place among humans, which is beyond odd since he was always supposed to be the most human of them all--  Then, Wonder Woman stopped being an all female character and became the daughter of Zeus; and the essence of her character got thrown out of the window.  And these are just two examples of what the New 52 meant to the rich universe that was the DC Universe.  From a group of Teen Titans that were never side-kicks, to a Flash family that never existed, the richest side of their characters got undone, up to a point that they were no longer recognizable.

I work in the advertising field, I know the meaning of keeping a brand fresh.  A brand shouldn't age or it would grow obsolete, I completely get that.  But then, dropping an entire fan base while searching a new one doesn't look like good business to me.  What about keeping them both?  Sounds a bit absurd, uh?  Well, with the richness of the DC Universe that could have been done, but they chose a different venue.  Starting fresh could have meant a lot of things and not just dropping everything they were.  Moving forward, for instance, could have been a great choice.  They could have redesigned the characters to look like 2011 characters, instead of going retro with their 90's designs.  They could have moved forward with guidelines like:  "Don't revisit past storylines, move always forward", that would have made sense.  Comics in general and DC and Marvel in particular, were a bit incestuous with theirs pasts and never stopped revisiting.  Anyway, moving forward could have been the move to pull; and it's not as if the big shots couldn't have considered it, they must have, they just didn't think it would be wild enough to make the headlines.  And they did hit the headlines!  But then again, at this point, the negativity surrounding them is huge as well.  A big chunk of their fan base left, their numbers aren't that big anymore, or even bigger than they were before that infamous and extremely rushed "Flashpoint".

And they keep pulling their New 52 tricks again.  Wally West will be coming back as someone you never knew.  I heard that line before.  Sorry, but no.  I got burnt once, twice, a trillion times and I'm finally done.

It took me a while, a few years actually, but I finally gave up.  Not with a "bang", but with a "whimper", like most of us left.  Unnoticed and uncared for.  We're not the demographics they're looking for, so, we're worthless.

Somewhere in the DC offices, someone must have thought at one point, "shouldn't we throw them (old fans) a bone?"  Maybe the response wasn't a resonant "no", but it did feel that way.  In the end, we weren't that important to them.  And well, a brand that doesn't care about its audience, will eventually get the short end of the stick.

You don't piss off the witches!

Witches know best

The DC Universe According to South Park

AdverComics 2: Sex, Pills and Make-Up

The Blue Beetle's Returned Gift

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

ELF: North Pole Central. What can I do for you?

BLUE BEETLE: I have a complaint about a gift. You work in the Costumer Service department, right?

ELF: Yes, I do. What can I help you with?

BB: I wrote a letter to Santa a couple of weeks before Christmas in which I specifically asked him for a "Life Certificate" and I didn't get any.

ELF: What's your name?

BB: I'm the Blue Beetle.

ELF: Let me see-- Jaime Reyes?

BB: NO!

ELF: Dan Garret?

BB: (DEAD SILENCE)

ELF: Oh, there's another one. Ted Kord.

BB: Yeah, that one.

ELF: You did write a very long letter to Santa--

BB: Yeah, I had to make a point--

ELF: "Certificate" should be written with a "C", not an "S". Not that I care, of course.

BB: Look, I specifically asked Santa for this "Life Certificate" because I'm job hunting and everyone thinks I'm dead. I need proof that I'm alive, but no one believes me.

ELF: This doesn't make much sense. Tell them you're alive and that would be it.

BB: No one believes me.

ELF: You have credibility issues.

BB: Blame that Didiot!

ELF: **giggles**

BB: What?

ELF: He got no presents this year.

BB: Anyway, now that we're on the same page. I got this Mortal Kombat vs DC videogame instead of my certificate and I don't even have a PS3.

ELF: That's a cool game!

BB: I'm not in it!

ELF: But it's still cool. Everyone wants it.

BB: I don't!

ELF: Jeez!

BB: Look, Mr. Customer Service guy, I do really need that certificate. Is there any way I could give you this game back and you--

ELF: There's a crisis out there, Mr. Kord.

BB: Yeah, the Final Crisis, but I hear it kinda sucks. Some like it, though, but it's a divided opinion. Just do some Googling and you'll see. You ask me, I'm not even following it. It's kind of over dramatic and depressing and, well, there's no bwah-haha in it, you know--

ELF: No, a real crisis, as in no money, no jobs, no complaints.

BB: What you mean?

ELF: Santa implemented a new policy this year. We're really sorry but we're doing no refunds this time and gifts aren't exchangeable. We did our best to make everyone happy with their presents--

BB: But this is nothing like what I asked for.

ELF: Any kid would be happy with Mortal Kombat vs. DC, it has Superman, Batman, The Joker. God! It even has Deathstroke. It has the coolest characters.

BB: Deathstroke is dead. I think. Unless I didn't read well that Special--

ELF: I hear they did test the characters before choosing the most popular ones. It's a win-win game. Plus it has the most popular Mortal Kombat characters as well. Sub-Zero is my fab. Everyone loves this game.

BB: I know.

ELF: Then, that would be it. Enjoy your game and Merry Christmas!

BB: Wa-wait! Can I speak to your boss? This is really important. Dead people can be brought back. The Spoiler is back, Hal Jordan is back, even big no-no Barry Allen is back! I mean, "no-no" as in editorial never wanting to bring him back, he's a good guy, a little dull, tough, but a good one. I'm more of a Wally person myself. Look, all I need is five minutes with Santa, he'll understand.

ELF: Mr. Claus is taking a nap. He'll be up in 362 days.

BB: But it's an emergency! I can't wait that long! Look, I know people, I can get you a Madonna autograph, a date with Wonder Woman, a trip to the Batcave, just ask whatever you want. I can even bring you Booster Gold to show you your own birth! I'm in the know, you know.

ELF: Get me a date with the Wasp.

BB: Uh-- well-- Did you read the last issue of Secret Invasion? She's-- uh-- she's kinda dead.

ELF: And so are you. Good evening, Mr. Kord.

BB: Wait! I know an elf, I can introduce you to Nightcrawler-- Hello? Hello?


BB: (TURNING TO THE CAMERA) Ohhhhh, this is so not over! If you think I'm giving up so easily, you're so mistaking me with some loser like Aquaman!

AQUAMAN: Hey!

BB: I mean, my point is that I'm not giving up at all!

AQUAMAN: Show more respect, I'm a King.

BB: Yeah, yeah, whatever.

AQUAMAN: Whatever.

BB: It's just that I want to get a job and this is just so freaking frustrating! I'd kill to be in a TV commercial or something.

AQUAMAN: I've done some.

BB: Are they any good?

AQUAMAN: Well-- Let's have some sushi.

BB: Sushi? Wouldn't that be a little cannibalistic for you?

AQUAMAN: Shut up.

Holy Christmas, Batman!

There's something about Christmas that brings out the best we have. Don't hold back and go get whomever you want within your arms, it doesn't matter if it's a psychotic vigilante who wears a bat costume and likes to scare the hell out of people at night.

This image was stolen from the Mujer Maravilla blog.

Black Canary's Cry

The secret behind Black Canary's thunderous cry is finally out: She wears ultra tight boots that won't let her hold back her magnificent scream. Just a little warning. Try to stay out of her way whenever she gets a new pair!

I stole this fantastic image -minus the text- from Michael May's Adventureblog.

Blue Beetle, the Vulcan!

After blowing his interview at DC Comics, Ted Kord decided to go where no Blue Beetle has gone before and visited the producers of the upcoming Star Trek movie. Wearing blue, as usual, and some very thick eyebrows, he ran into JJ Abrahams depicting a very emotionless aspect of himself, he was in character we must add.


"Look, Mr. JJ, Sylar is not that good for this movie. He's stuck at his role as a villain and people won't be able to see him as the one true real Spock. Take me, for instance. I failed as a super-hero. They shot me. They replaced me with a younger version of me that had nothing to do with me. No one will remind me! Besides, I'm a very good actor. Want to see my reel?"

By the time Ted noticed, JJ Abrahams had already left the room.

With an emotionless tear in his eyes, he just said "Live long and proper", making a "V" with his hand, as he walked out of the room.

Blue Beetle's Job Interview

INTEVIEWER: Name?

BLUE BEETLE: Blue Beetle.

I: Jaime Reyes?

BB: No, not him. Ted Kord. >:(

I: You're supposed to be dead.

BB: Ma'am, this is comic books we're talking about. I can be back from the dead whenever that Didiot says so.

I: Excuse me?

BB: Didio. I meant Mr. Didio-- Darn Freudian slip--

I: You already got fired by the company. Why should we hire you again?

BB: For once, the new Blue Beetle book just got axed. Obviously the public is claiming for me. Not some random kid with an extraterrestrial bug in his back. They want the original thing.

I: You're not the "original thing". You're Blue Beetle number 2.

BB: You don't have to be so picky. To many fans I'm the ONLY Blue Beetle there will ever be.

I: Did they support you when you were alive? Your solo series didn't last long.

BB: That's because my part in the Justice League book was huge. That one was kinda my book, you know.

I: No, it wasn't.

BB: Well, I did get back in shape. Look at my stomach. Funny tummy no more!

I: I can't see the abs.

BB: They're here. Look.

I: There's no abs.

BB: All I need is a quick plastic surgery. I can do it in no time and be ready for work. We live in the age of Nip Tuck, you know, bwa-hahaha!

I: Hmph!

BB: I mean, it's not as if you have to give me my own monthly right away. You can hand me a mini-series, the Year One treatment! I mean, even Ambush Bug got one. Or you can get me back in the Justice League to warm things up a little.

I: The Justice League is a serious book.

BB: I can be deadly serious! I'm like Batman, only in blue.

I: You're not.

BB: Ma'am, please! Cut me some slack! My pals really miss me. And it's not as if a quick guest starring in Booster Gold's book was enough. People want more. Look. Batman is gone all R.I.P. right now, who's going to fill his shoes now?

I: (Deadly stare).

BB: Okay, okay, I might be aiming too high, but I do have fans.

I: Name one.

BB: Booster Gold.

I: He doesn't count. He's a glitch in time and continuity.

BB: Well, Wonder Woman. She always had a thing for me, you know XD

I: Pity doesn't count.

BB: Oh, my freaking God! You're making this real hard for me. Is there no soul within you.

I: This is business, Mr. Kord. If you didn't succeed when you were alive, we'll just use you as dead stock in the Cameo Department. It did work for Hal Jordan, Olliver Queen and all of those heroes that were dead for a while.

BB: It's not fair! I want to live!

I: I'm sorry, Mr. Kord.

BB: I hope a red storm of Final Crisis clouds multiplied by Anti-Life Equation falls on top of you and destroy all of your 52 parallel-selves!

I: Your such a geek. Next!

The Amazing Aquaman Theme Song!

After getting his butt kicked in his latest poll against Namor, Aquaman tries a new strategy to regain his lost audience. He hired Snapper Carr as his new publicist and he's now launching a completely new revamped image with an all-new all-different theme song.

Enjoy!

Whack-a-Mouse Beats Mortal Kombat vs. DC

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Just don't expect a Fatality!

It's Official: Aquaman Sucks and Namor Kicks Butt!

Comics All Too Real ran this magnificent poll with very humble results, but quite valid if you ask. It's about the quality of the votes, not the quantity-- Or so we keep saying.

Anyway, check out the results:



Now, let's jump into the statistics.



Namor got 64% of the votes, while Aquaman only got 36% of them. Which just proves my hypothesis: Aquaman is real good at sucking. Oh, yes, and Namor is the true King of the Seven Seas --whatever.

Thing is, Aquaman should be portrayed as a non-serious character, which would be simply great. Just think about it for a moment. What was the last you knew about Aquaman? Probably it was a parody and you laughed out loud. Probably a Cartoon Network ad, or just a Youtube parody. Anyway, when was the last time you really enjoyed Aquaman as a serious character? 10 years ago? 20? That's frightening. No, not your age, the fact that Aquaman sucks indeed. You have to agree on this!

Aquaman vs. Namor: Round 2

"Honey, it's not over 'til it's over", said Mera as she winked to her husband's competitor.
So far, Aquaman has been sinking in this poll like dead tuna, and just to make things worse, his wife now joined the battle as the big prize.

"I'm a little bit surprised and all too flattered the judges chose me to participate in this battle. So, the winner takes it all," she giggled. "People doesn't even know I'm dead or alive, so watch out, I'm back!"

As one reporter went all continuity freak on her and another one called her an "attention $%$%$", we better focus on the poll at hand. So, if you haven't voted yet, do it now. The poll closes next Monday in the afternoon, no vote will be accepted after that even if the counter goes on and on. You better hurry!


Get your own Poll!

SuperFashion 1: Wonder Woman, The Ventroloquist, Bouncing Boy

Welcome to SuperFashion, this is a new segment at Comics All Too Real devoted to solve one of the basic questions in life: Do comic books imitate fashion or is it the other way?

Here's some vivid examples on how today's fashion seems to find its inspiration in comic book reality.

Wonder Woman in the 60's



The Ventriloquist


Bouncing Boy

The Power of Eye-Mo

Some mock ads for those who like them.

Aquaman or Namor? Vote now!

Recently, there was a discussion about all undersea characters being fun, lame or whatever you might want to call them; with Aquaman being the poster child of the abuse, lead by Cartoon Network ads, internet blogs or just the casual joke; if you want to laugh at a character, there's always Aquaman. There's no denying this, no matter how hard they've tried to make him relevant, he always ends up being a joke. On the other hand, as Sea of Green of Hoosier Journal of Inanity very cleverly pointed out, Namor has been around since forever and he's always been a real kick-ass! A tough ally, a frightening enemy and also a very interesting lover.

Now, the question remains. Who do you think is cooler? Butt-of-the-joke Aquaman, or bad-ass Namor?

You decide!

(Oh! And I stole the fantastic image of Aquaman and Namor from amazing Michael May's Adventure Blog.)


Get your own Poll!

Clark Kent: "Sometimes Glasses Aren't Good Enough"

If you've ever asked yourself who has the best disguise ever, obviously Clark Kent's has to come to mind. The simplest one, possibly, but still the most deceiving of all. With just a pair of glasses he can foul the entire world into thinking he's just a mild-mannered journalist, son of farmers, married to super fabulous reporter Lois Lane. Or so we thought.

Well, there's something about Clark Kent's secret you didn't know. Thing is, he wears flashy shoes that don't display all too well in comic book form, but they're there. Whenever he meets someone, they just stare at his shoes and he or she just stays there. There's an hypnotic effect on his feet and no one will resist it. Try it the next time you're around Clark!