Sunday, May 24, 2009

Death Did Them Part

Today's post is devoted to our dearly departed.

Blame the lack of imagination, the rush to make a post, or the fact that we, at Comics All Too Real, want more visits and it won't happen if we don't bring in new material.

So, here they are:

The Drop Dead Gorgeous

The Drop Dead Squashed

The Eternally Dead

The Not Quite Dead

The Let's-Put-Him-In-Continuity Dead

The Many-Deaths-In-Continuity Dead

The Bigshot-Death-That-Made-The-Newspapers Dead

The Bigshot-Death-No-Newspaper-Cared-About Dead

The Why-Did-They-Kill-Her Dead

The Why-Do-I-Care-They-Killed-Her Dead

To all our dearly departed, we'll miss you.

Until they bring you back.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Dollhouse Renewed! But What About the Actives?

There is going to be a Season 2 for the Fox TV Show "Dollhouse". People all over the net are jumping in joy asking more and more questions, but it looks like we will have to hold our breath for a few months to find out what we want.

Of course, we're not waiting that long.

We tried to reach Echo, but she was somewhat hibernating. That or she had the personality of a carrot on and she couldn't answer the cellphone. That's what happens when a doll reaches celebrity. It goes directly to their empty airhead.

And speaking of no-brainers, rumors have already started about some changes in the story, more specifically, about the Actives. They need a bigger audience and they will try some new tricks to make their ratings grow. We ran into Barbie and after letting her brag some about beating Bratz (yes, she's still onto that), she let out something that might be a lead for things to come. "I'm a doll and I will be in a house that is not exactly the one I took from Ken after the divorce." She was cryptic, that's for sure, but we think she was reading a script. No way she could have thought all that by herself. Still, the rumor is there. Will Barbie become an Active? She does have the wardrobe to fit, but what about the talent? And, no, her movies don't count.

Following Barbie's statement trail, we reached Ken who seemed to have a new partner in life, someone you might already know because of his recent movie-- "Snikt!" Hmph! We're not allowed to mention the name of this new guy, but we can say he does have a metagene--

"So, Mr. Ken," we asked, "do you know anything about Barbie and Dollhouse?"

"I have no clue about her, but I can say that Joss simply loved me. I tried for a part and I blew him away." We were about to make a funny, but his x-boyfriend looked at us even funnier so we remained shut. That's when we found out we're extremely allergic to Adamantium.

"After playing a lead role in the Barbie movies," we said, "it's reasonable to say that you do have some experience in the acting field; but do you really think you're ready for a Whedon show? As an Active, you should be able to display all kind of roles and personalities."

"Talent is my thing, you know." Said Ken as he combed his hair with his hand. "I acted into loving Barbie for years and I performed greatly. I moved on, of course, but my name is still out there. I'm the most famous masculine doll of the world."

"Yeah, sure, everybody knows you-- There are plenty of jokes about you--" The x-boyfriend gave us that look again and we had to remain quiet. Way to get rid of the fun in the interview. "One thing we do have to admit, Ken, is that you really know how to hook up with the rich and the famous."

"That's my thing." He concluded with a smile which, oddly enough, sparkled like a lighthouse in the room.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

ANSM: Chucky's Challenge - Blades and Arrows

Previously, on America's Next SuperModel: The new challenge is on. The girls will visit the immense Chucky Manor at night; they have to find Chucky and bring some sense of humanity into his cold self. Ten girls remain: Aeon Flux, Barbarella, Giselle, Huntress, Mystique, Red Sonja, She-Hulk, She-Ra, Squirrel Girl and Zatanna. Who will be America's Next SuperModel? Read on!

This was a rainy and stormy night-- Well, it wasn't. Actually, it'd be sunny if it wasn't that the sun was at the other side of the world. Still, the 10 girls walked into Chucky Manor with a very well thought plan, at least some of them, while some others were quite ready to improvise.

The schedule determined they would have dinner first, and so, they sat at this big Adams Family table and started to eat. The meat was actually quite tasty.

"I've never had such a wonderful meal," said Squirrel Girl, "what's this meat?"

"It's human flesh," said Red Sonja as she continued eating; when all of the other girls stopped cold.

Later on, in the bathroom, some ugly noises were heard right after Barbarella came in.

"Are you alright?," asked Giselle from the other side of the door.

"Don't worry," claimed Barbarella with a chocking voice. "I was gaining some weight, anyway, and this will do wonders for me. That's what current models do, anyway."

As the night continued, the girls were allowed to roam Chucky Mannor.

Huntress never thought of herself as a lucky woman, but tonight, she'd prove herself wrong-- or not. As she walked through one of the cold and dark hallways, she overheard a quiet sobbing coming from one of the rooms. Very carefully, she opened the door. "Is anybody here?" The sobbing was quite childlike and it worried her that a stranded kid could be hiding in there. Definitely the worst place to choose. "Where are you?" She turned the light of one of her gadgets on and saw this redheaded boy crying face down over a very old bed. It didn't take a genius to figure out it was Chucky. She got ready in an instant. She would have to be as charming as ever if she wanted to win this challenge. "Chucky, is that you? If you feel bad I can help you--" Carefully, she moved close to him, and that's when she saw Chucky's horrid face. She felt like puking, but held back. As she could, she smiled caringly and that's when Chucky jumped on her face with a sharp knife in his hand.

Huntress jumped to the side and rolled on the floor as she barely escaped the blade. "I'm not your enemy!", she yelled, "I'm here to help." Chucky smiled and simply said, "no, you're here as my toy and I will do with you as I please." Realizing there was no way for her to accomplish her challenge, the Huntress grabbed her crossbow and pinned Chucky to the wall. "I will kill you!", screamed the criminal doll in anger. "Be my guest," she said somewhat upset as she walked out of the room. She had failed in the test in charming him, but no way she was going to lose a battle against some silly doll.

Just as the Huntress walked out, Mystique came out of the shadows and moved towards the entrance of the room. Using her shapeshifting powers, she became Chucky's Bride. With a slow and convenient walk to make herself noticeable, she got into the room and looked in "horror" at Chucky as he was pinned to the wall. "Chucky...", she said apparently heartbroken. "Tiffany?", asked Chucky, opening his eyes so widely that one of them fell out of his sockets. "You're alive? I thought they had killed you--" The girl toy approached Chucky. "That's what they told you because they didn't want us to be together. But they will never keep us apart, never!" And she broke into a hyperdramatic laughter that gave a shiver to any living or dead creature.

"I love you, Chucky." She said expecting to hear his answer echoing her voice of love, and thus, win the challenge. "But I don't love you anymore, Tiffany. I moved on and you're just too damn ugly for me." Mystique couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Say you love me or I'll cut your head off." Chucky's eye got filled with tears as he felt a new rush of love cursing through his veins. "Oh, Tiffany, I had forgotten how lovely you were-- Silly toy am I, am I not?" "Yeah, you're silly, now, tell me you love me and I'll set you free." "I love you, Tiffany." As soon as Chucky spoke, a new blade ran through Chucky's chest, pinning him even further against the wall. "Thank you," said Mystique as she regained her original shape, "you're as disposable as all the men I've know. With you it's just easier, you fugly creature." And with her blue walk, she left the room leaving behind very a furious doll.

Two girls faced the Chucky Challenge, eight girls remain. Stay tuned as another set of SuperModels have the time of their lives with the deadliest doll of all!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Prof. Henry Jarrod's True Face

The year is 1953 and The House of Wax hit the theaters, as the poster says, "Nothing has gone before can compare with this!"

The credits for the shots go to Vivir en Tucson, the words are mine.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

The Twitter Super-Challenge!

The entire staff of Comics All Too Real (that being me) got a real challenge in class. Out of a group of people/students, the one who gets the most Twitter Followers, will win this amazing SEO (Search Engine Optimization) book called "SEO - Cómo triunfar en buscadores", which means something like "SEO - How to succeed in web search engines" (or something like that). Anyway, this book is supposed to have the most updated information on the field, so, it would come in handy.

So, I humbly ask you to stalk-- er, follow me on this fun tool that is Twitter. Just click on my link and follow me if you have an account, or just create one and do so. This is the link:

If I win, I promise you something old, something new and something borrowed. Or just more posts and the joy of having helped me.


Friday, May 8, 2009

Something Sweet: The Piano

If you saw this French movie, "Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain", you might recognize the tune. Yet this one, is a completely different and extremely touching story. Thanks to FotoMorfo for handing me the link.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Censored Spidey-Yoda-Rose Debate

Long story short. Over at one forum I visit, Cinemania, a poster nicknamed p+2 posted an amazingly funny and smart piece written by him: two dialogues featuring Spider-Man, Yoda and Titanic's Rose. Obviously, I wanted it to be posted in here. Thing is it was deleted by a moderator because that forum can be visited by kids (which doesn't mean it is visited by kids) and the content of the post could harm them for life, I argued about him having 5 centimeters of morality (that's about 2 inches), and from there, hell was let loose.

For your enjoyment, here's the rewritten piece in its entirety. Thanks again to p+2 for that. Hopefully, if a minor reads it, his/her soul won't rot in hell.

Someplace in swampy Dagobah, the phone rings:

Yoda: 1-800-dildooine. Yoda, this is.
Spidey: Master Yoda, will I ever get laid with MJ?
Yoda: Hard to see, the will of the Force is.
Spidey: But could you help me out? Use your Jedi mind tricks on her, perhaps?
Yoda: Only on the weak-minded, they work.
Hannah Montana: Hey, I resent that!
Spidey: Master Yoda, did you just shag Hannah Montana?!?
Yoda: Showed her the power of the Force, I did.
Spidey: You Lolita-loving dirty green muppet! Anyhoo, will you help me?
Yoda: Solve your problem I will, if Viagra you provide me.
Spidey: WTF! Do you use Viagra?!?
Yoda: When 900 years you are, wield your lightsaber as well, you won't.
Spidey: Oh my God. Listening to this is worse than fighting Doc Ock. I'm gone.
Yoda: May the Force be with you.

Painting Lessons

Rose: Master Yoda Vinci, do I really need to take my clothes off?
Yoda: A gentleman, I am. Help you, I will.

::Waves hand, clothes fall off::

Rose: Master Yoda Vinci, you're blushing. I doubt Monsieur Kenobi would have blushed.
Yoda: From the gay side of the Force, he is.

::Camera flash goes off::

Rose: Did you just take my picture naked? Weren't you supposed to paint my portrait?!?
Yoda: Portraits do not make one great. Wank off to your pic, I will. Farewell, mon coeur de la mer.

::Waves non-wanking hand, Rose's ship sinks::


This post will have moderated comments.


Of course not, say what you want!

Monday, May 4, 2009

America's Next SuperModel: Chucky's Love

After Tyra Bank's kidnap by Aliens, G'Nort's light change into a Blue Lantern and a little creative breakdown, the show is back. As you all remember, 10 girls remain, but only one of them will be America's Next SuperModel!

Tonight, we have a very special guest star who will play a definite role in the upcoming challenge. Welcome Chucky, one of the most beloved and unique dolls in Hollywood. This time, Chucky will mean the death of one of the girls; that is, the girl who fails this test of love. Listen. The girls will visit the immense Chucky Manor at night; they have to find Chucky and bring some sense of humanity into him. Possibly a simple task, but Chucky has other ideas in mind.

"I will slaughter them all", said Chucky behind his sunglasses as he drank some iced tea handed by the producer's assistant, "they think they're so impressive, but they have yet to try my kind of love." He did some censored hip moves that we can't repeat online and then added, "it's just a matter of marketing. My fans expect me to kill them, so I will. Nothing personal."

So, will all of our superheroines survive the upcoming challenge? We don't think so. These are the girls: Aeon Flux, Barbarella, Giselle, Huntress, Mystique, Red Sonja, She-Hulk, She-Ra, Squirrel Girl and Zatanna.

We wish them the best-- or not.

Coming up next, the challenge!

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Green Flash: The Fastest ____ Alive

Barry Allen, a police scientist (yeah, the forensic guy if you watch too much C.S.I.), was working overnight with one of his tricky cases, you know, corpses, finger prints, hamburgers; when lightning started to rumble through the sky and rain hit strongly Central City. Barry, as usual, wouldn’t let the weather disturb his investigation and he paid little to no attention to the ruckus going outside. Bad choice, good choice, you name it.

An MSN window opened in his computer; it was Wally, his girlfriend's annoying nephew.

"Barry! Barry! Do you see the lightning storm?"

"I'm busy. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"It's global warming!"

"No, Wally, it's a storm."

"It's not!"

"It is!"

And before Wally could say anything else, Barry blocked the kid's ID. "I should have done this ages ago," he thought and expected Iris, his girlfriend, to call anytime asking him why he was so mean to her nephew. Barry continued with his investigation and absentmindedly walked near to a shelf filled with chemicals. That's when fate hit him hard in the form of a lightning, as an electric bolt ran through the window, crashed against the chemicals and dropped them all over him. Bathed in all kind of weird substances, Barry fell on top of his desk, splattering the hamburger and landing on the floor. Strangely enough, a piece of lettuce got stuck on his face. He tried to get rid of it when-- "Ouch! Ouch!" He had barely grabbed the lettuce when he noticed there were glasses all over the place and he had cut his hand. For a moment there, the lettuce and his blood became one--

A little dizzy because of the green fumes, he laid back again. Making an effort to regain his eyesight, he saw a green cloud that spoke to him. Yeah, it did talk. "You must protect the green," it said. Barry blinked several times and he saw the cloud taking the form of Al Gore's head. "Be a green leader, save the world," Barry couldn't believe it. The chemical cloud was so alive. He tried to touch it, but his hand passed right through it. And so, with a wink, the Al Gore vision was gone.

You can imagine what happened next. Speed powers. The Green SpeedForce. Wally getting his nose into everything. The legacy thing. Life, death, life again. Thing is, from that day on, whenever Barry Allen presses the secret mechanism hidden in his ring, the green lightning costume pops out and he becomes the Green Flash, a super-hero sworn to protect the environment for the generations to come. Watch out Green Lantern and Green Arrow! This one is the real green thing! Meet Green Flash: The Fastest Environmentalist Alive!