Twilight has its merit

A lot has been said about Twilight, but you can't take away that it took the whole "Emo" deal and brought it to an entirely new level.

Death was never this appealing...  or more sparkly.

Luke, Leia and Twilight

You know, there's an ongoing theme with this and it looks infinite.

Anyway.  They traveled through the skies, they belonged to some sort of royalty, they were rebels and they did also have their own plot twist.

Guess who wins.

Batman, Robin and Twilight

They live in a batcave, they have all the money in the world, they don't sparkle.

Do the math.

Ask Emma: Vampires Don't Do Diaries

After a little hiatus due to the end of the world, we're back and we're happy to introduce our newest segment. We hired Emma Frost to be the host. Enjoy.



Dear Miss Frost:

My name is Elena. I'm some sort of the regular girl, well a little of the hyper white teeth and skinny type, you know, the regular TV girl. Both of my parents died off-panel in a car accident and I've been coping with it the only way I can: writing on my diary. You must be wondering why I don't have a LiveJournal or something, but it's just that I'm a little old fashioned and I want to use pen and paper, not that there's anything wrong with that. I live with my brother and my young aunt who's trying so hard to become a "parental" figure, not that she's doing very well. I mean, she still has zits.

Anyway, I met this gorgeous guy. He's just like Edward on "Twilight", only less blue. But he does have that same aura and puppy-eyed deal. Still, there's something very wrong with him. I mean, ever since he appeared, everyone around me has been dropping dead bitten by gigantic mosquitoes on their necks. Also, he plays these weird disappearances, much like Clark Kent-- So, I'm officially confused. Oh, and he does the diary stuff as well. What are the odds?! Well, Stefan, the guy I like, has this brother, Damon, who is way more handsome than him, but for some reason I have to like Stefan better. Don't ask. I have no clue on what's going on. I heard some rumor about Damon eating a friend of mine, but that can't be true, can it?

As you can see, I'm so troubled I don't know what to do. I like Stefan so much but-- Please give me some advise.

Sincerely,

Elena.

* * * * *

Elena, honey, you're dealing with vampires. All you had to do was to take a little look at the title of your show: "The Vampire Diaries". The diary issue won't last long before it becomes boring, so I wonder why they chose it in the first place, but since it's not the issue at hand, I'll drop it. Well, I don't have to be a psychic to realize that you're going to be stuck between both vampire brothers, all I had to do was to look at the poster, and it will become an ongoing plot, I mean, an ongoing issue for quite a while, just feed well in case they get hungry. You're way too skinny and you'll need all of the blood you can get.

I suggest you read "Twilight", the book. Do some study on Bella. She's much like you, only a little more interesting. Get some tips. As for Stefan, I really don't know what to say. Girls tend to love the good troubled vampires like Edward and Bill; while being attracted to the very hot and bad vamps like Erick and Damon. It's your choice, just keep in mind that you're still mindless food to them. You know, like a hamburger. You'll get bitten at one time or another. It's unavoidable.




On the other hand, hon, are you ready to deal with such an immature vampire like Stefan? He's hundreds of years old and he still has teenage issues. If you stay with him you'll become his mother, is that who you want to become?

So, my advice is that you have to see the entire picture before making a choice. Oh, and drop the tragedy act, it grew old already. Lana Lang is so last century.

By the way, your friend Bonnie, has one eye displaced.

Sincerely,

Emma Frost

Death Did Them Part

Today's post is devoted to our dearly departed.

Blame the lack of imagination, the rush to make a post, or the fact that we, at Comics All Too Real, want more visits and it won't happen if we don't bring in new material.

So, here they are:

The Drop Dead Gorgeous

The Drop Dead Squashed

The Eternally Dead

The Not Quite Dead

The Let's-Put-Him-In-Continuity Dead

The Many-Deaths-In-Continuity Dead

The Bigshot-Death-That-Made-The-Newspapers Dead

The Bigshot-Death-No-Newspaper-Cared-About Dead

The Why-Did-They-Kill-Her Dead

The Why-Do-I-Care-They-Killed-Her Dead

To all our dearly departed, we'll miss you.

Until they bring you back.

McTwilight

"You don't know how long I've waited for you."

The people at the restaurant stared at me for a moment and then turned back to their meals. It was weird enough I caught myself speaking my thoughts out loud, but being at the end of their judging eyes wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I walked into this McDonald's. One last giggle from a little girl did it. I packed my hamburger and walked out.

It was about to start raining again. I hated this weather. The sun never came through the clouds and it was so cold, so darn cold. Making sure no one was following me, I walked into the park, hurried, with my heart banging inside of my chest, not believing what I was getting myself into. It wasn't right, but was there anything I could do about it? I started to run, as the anxiety that devoured me had taken control of my legs. I ran and ran until I just couldn't get any further. Nobody was around, so I just made me stop. I forced myself. I stopped. I was actually chocking, not that I was any good at sports. Ever.

My pulse started raising again when I took hold of the paper bag and took the hamburger out of it. Carefully, I peeled out the envelope and its fragrance overtook me, clouding my senses, making me salivate as one of those dogs from the psychology lab. But I just wouldn't eat it, would I? Forcing myself to hold back my senses, I approached it to my mouth and I just kissed it. The soft bread barely touched my lips, but I felt its scent sticking to my mouth, only one bite, that's all it would take, one bite and I would taste it in its entirety forever, without holding back, without wasting another moment of this absolutely insane romance.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb." This time I just let the words slip out of my mouth. No one was listening, so why would I care. "What a sick, masochistic lion." And I allowed a little laughter escape past my defenses. It had been a while since I last even smiled. It felt good. How ironic to smile at my saddest time ever.

Finally, I sat down and put the hamburger on a rock and studied it with my eyes half closed, trying to see more about these slices of bread, lettuce, cheese and meat. Oh, the meat-- Every detail of it was imprinted on my mind, on my skin, and yet I had to fight the urge to just jump on it and eat it. I felt so eternal compared to this little burger. How long would it last with me? A week? It would start to smell, the bread would crumb down, it would just rot-- and me, I would be immortal at its side. Did it make any sense at all? What was I doing? "If you were smart you would stay away from me." But hey, not even I am this dumb, you won't understand what I'm saying. I know you're not like me. Not like me at all. But if you ask me, I'm glad you can't go anywhere. "Me-- I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore."

Suddenly it hit me. I had become weak; weaker than I ever thought. I was ashamed, yet I couldn't hold back any longer. I stood up and packed the burger once again. Half absent-minded and half determined, I walked out of the woods, not once looking back. My mind was set. "I'm breaking all the rules now anyway. Since I'm going to hell..."

How much time I spent in the forest, I just wouldn't know. Einstein said time was relative. How much fun he would have with me, now, since the day wasn't over yet and the McDonald's restaurant was still open. This had been the longest day of my entire life and it was far from over.

I stopped for a moment. No, I wasn't looking back, I was just savoring my decision. After all, it was my choice. No one else's. "I'd never given much though to how I would die. But dying in place of someone I love, seems like a good way to go. I can't bring myself to regret the decisions that brought me face to face with death. They also brought me to you, my McTwilight." Under the weight of my arms, the crystal doors opened, letting the cold of the outside fly into the room. People fought the cold breeze as long as it lasted and looked at me with judging eyes, again, for the last time, ever.

"Make me a burger," I said. In response a young lady smiled and pointed at the menu. "Miss, you don't understand. Make ME, a burger--"