Friday, October 2, 2009

Ask Emma: Vampires Don't Do Diaries

After a little hiatus due to the end of the world, we're back and we're happy to introduce our newest segment. We hired Emma Frost to be the host. Enjoy.

Dear Miss Frost:

My name is Elena. I'm some sort of the regular girl, well a little of the hyper white teeth and skinny type, you know, the regular TV girl. Both of my parents died off-panel in a car accident and I've been coping with it the only way I can: writing on my diary. You must be wondering why I don't have a LiveJournal or something, but it's just that I'm a little old fashioned and I want to use pen and paper, not that there's anything wrong with that. I live with my brother and my young aunt who's trying so hard to become a "parental" figure, not that she's doing very well. I mean, she still has zits.

Anyway, I met this gorgeous guy. He's just like Edward on "Twilight", only less blue. But he does have that same aura and puppy-eyed deal. Still, there's something very wrong with him. I mean, ever since he appeared, everyone around me has been dropping dead bitten by gigantic mosquitoes on their necks. Also, he plays these weird disappearances, much like Clark Kent-- So, I'm officially confused. Oh, and he does the diary stuff as well. What are the odds?! Well, Stefan, the guy I like, has this brother, Damon, who is way more handsome than him, but for some reason I have to like Stefan better. Don't ask. I have no clue on what's going on. I heard some rumor about Damon eating a friend of mine, but that can't be true, can it?

As you can see, I'm so troubled I don't know what to do. I like Stefan so much but-- Please give me some advise.



* * * * *

Elena, honey, you're dealing with vampires. All you had to do was to take a little look at the title of your show: "The Vampire Diaries". The diary issue won't last long before it becomes boring, so I wonder why they chose it in the first place, but since it's not the issue at hand, I'll drop it. Well, I don't have to be a psychic to realize that you're going to be stuck between both vampire brothers, all I had to do was to look at the poster, and it will become an ongoing plot, I mean, an ongoing issue for quite a while, just feed well in case they get hungry. You're way too skinny and you'll need all of the blood you can get.

I suggest you read "Twilight", the book. Do some study on Bella. She's much like you, only a little more interesting. Get some tips. As for Stefan, I really don't know what to say. Girls tend to love the good troubled vampires like Edward and Bill; while being attracted to the very hot and bad vamps like Erick and Damon. It's your choice, just keep in mind that you're still mindless food to them. You know, like a hamburger. You'll get bitten at one time or another. It's unavoidable.

On the other hand, hon, are you ready to deal with such an immature vampire like Stefan? He's hundreds of years old and he still has teenage issues. If you stay with him you'll become his mother, is that who you want to become?

So, my advice is that you have to see the entire picture before making a choice. Oh, and drop the tragedy act, it grew old already. Lana Lang is so last century.

By the way, your friend Bonnie, has one eye displaced.


Emma Frost


Sea-of-Green said...

Nothing short of completely awesome. :-D

ComicsAllTooReal's Chris said...

Thanks, Sea!!! :D

Ran said...

so, if i were elena i'd just take both

ComicsAllTooReal's Chris said...

You are being very very bad, Ran.

Anonymous said...

you do realize the Vampire Diaries came before twilight right? if your gunna rip on an epic show don't be so ignorant :)
p.s. Bella is an uninteresting underdeveloped character unlike the beautiful Elena Gilbert. Don't attack pretty girls like Kat Graham,your insecurity is not attractive.

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