The Stormtroopers have a very important message

When you look outside and you see two Stormtroopers batting their arms and legs in the snow, you know it's going to be a great week.

Luke, Leia and Twilight

You know, there's an ongoing theme with this and it looks infinite.

Anyway.  They traveled through the skies, they belonged to some sort of royalty, they were rebels and they did also have their own plot twist.

Guess who wins.

Star Wars Propaganda Poll - The Winner!

We ran an Empire vs. Alliance poll and the results are finally out.  The contestants didn't say much.  Well, Darth Vader did have a little say about the entire deal and we also caught him on candid camera.

So, finally, this is the final result.  If you didn't vote, you're partly responsible for Darth Vader's heart break.

The Empire or the Alliance? Choose now!

If you haven't noticed (or if you live under a rock) in a far far far far away galaxy there's a war going on.  It has been on for ages. We got the end first, and then the beginning. Little did make sense. And yet, both sides are recruiting. Make up your mind now.  The universe depends on your choice.  Which side will you choose? (The poll is at the end of the post.)

The Empire

The Alliance

Choose Now!

Get your own Poll!


Posters were found at Prose Before Hos 2

Alice in Wonderland's Alternate Ending

This was one of the alternative endings to the movie hit "Alice in Wonderland". We're still wondering why they chose the regular one instead of the one with the cliffhanger, considering this classic-in-the-making-scene was meant to lead directly into it's sequel: "The Red Queen Strikes Back"

We managed to locate a dressed up bunny from the cast and we asked him a few details of the movie choices, but he was in a hurry and was extremely nervous. Alice, on the other hand, simply said "no comment", as some weird floating eyes were staring at her with a warning.

The Red Queen didn't say a word either. She was too busy trying to work on a ponytail, but her hands couldn't reach the top of her head.

The Phantom Menace was worse than my son hanging himself in the bathroom

No, I don't have a son, the closest thing I have is an insufferable cat with a lousy sense of direction; still, I ran into this "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace" review and I liked it so badly that I had to share it with you, guys. By the way, the guy who supposedly hung himself was the reviewer's son-- his words, not mine.

The review is a little bit old. Yes, the Phantom Menace hit the theaters in 1999 if I recall correctly that lousy date in the movies, but the fan trauma still remains. A disappointment that ran for 3 movies, each time tearing apart the hope for something better.

I loved the review's tone and I hope you like it as much as I did. It certainly is better than the movie itself.



If you liked the review, there are more parts of it available on Youtube. Go hunt them down and kill them all!

The Censored Spidey-Yoda-Rose Debate

Long story short. Over at one forum I visit, Cinemania, a poster nicknamed p+2 posted an amazingly funny and smart piece written by him: two dialogues featuring Spider-Man, Yoda and Titanic's Rose. Obviously, I wanted it to be posted in here. Thing is it was deleted by a moderator because that forum can be visited by kids (which doesn't mean it is visited by kids) and the content of the post could harm them for life, I argued about him having 5 centimeters of morality (that's about 2 inches), and from there, hell was let loose.

For your enjoyment, here's the rewritten piece in its entirety. Thanks again to p+2 for that. Hopefully, if a minor reads it, his/her soul won't rot in hell.


Someplace in swampy Dagobah, the phone rings:

Yoda: 1-800-dildooine. Yoda, this is.
Spidey: Master Yoda, will I ever get laid with MJ?
Yoda: Hard to see, the will of the Force is.
Spidey: But could you help me out? Use your Jedi mind tricks on her, perhaps?
Yoda: Only on the weak-minded, they work.
Hannah Montana: Hey, I resent that!
Spidey: Master Yoda, did you just shag Hannah Montana?!?
Yoda: Showed her the power of the Force, I did.
Spidey: You Lolita-loving dirty green muppet! Anyhoo, will you help me?
Yoda: Solve your problem I will, if Viagra you provide me.
Spidey: WTF! Do you use Viagra?!?
Yoda: When 900 years you are, wield your lightsaber as well, you won't.
Spidey: Oh my God. Listening to this is worse than fighting Doc Ock. I'm gone.
Yoda: May the Force be with you.



Painting Lessons

Rose: Master Yoda Vinci, do I really need to take my clothes off?
Yoda: A gentleman, I am. Help you, I will.

::Waves hand, clothes fall off::

Rose: Master Yoda Vinci, you're blushing. I doubt Monsieur Kenobi would have blushed.
Yoda: From the gay side of the Force, he is.

::Camera flash goes off::

Rose: Did you just take my picture naked? Weren't you supposed to paint my portrait?!?
Yoda: Portraits do not make one great. Wank off to your pic, I will. Farewell, mon coeur de la mer.

::Waves non-wanking hand, Rose's ship sinks::

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This post will have moderated comments.

Ha!

Of course not, say what you want!

May The Force Be With Your Breakfast

The best way to get the day started is with a healthy breakfast, or that's what the stormtroopers have learned so far. Small pieces of toasted Force are always good for morale as the soldiers get to be inspired in the very early hours of the morning by the one and only image of you-know-who.

You can also measure your Force Points in toasts:
One toast, you're Darth Vader's most loyal soldier.
Two toasts, you want to take over Darth Vader's spot.
Three toasts, you're fat.

In a Tube Far, Far Away

You will go where no geek has gone before. Click "play" and open your ears to the experience. You will never be the same!



I got this video from The Topless Robot.

Stormtrooper Mommies’ Choice

Darth Vader chose his minions well.

As part of his research, he interviewed each of the applicant’s mothers and each one of them admitted that they took very good care of their sons and daughters, by providing them with great nourishing meals and, most of all, by keeping them warm during the eerie space winter.

This year, the Vader Black Label Collection arrived with a cozy sweater which has been beautifully marketed towards Stormtroopers’ mommies. Our inside sources are telling us that the whole campaign has been a success.

So, if your son or daughter is a Stormtrooper, you can already pick your Christmas gift and we'll send it to you wrapped with the best of the dark side of the Force!