The Censored Spidey-Yoda-Rose Debate

Long story short. Over at one forum I visit, Cinemania, a poster nicknamed p+2 posted an amazingly funny and smart piece written by him: two dialogues featuring Spider-Man, Yoda and Titanic's Rose. Obviously, I wanted it to be posted in here. Thing is it was deleted by a moderator because that forum can be visited by kids (which doesn't mean it is visited by kids) and the content of the post could harm them for life, I argued about him having 5 centimeters of morality (that's about 2 inches), and from there, hell was let loose.

For your enjoyment, here's the rewritten piece in its entirety. Thanks again to p+2 for that. Hopefully, if a minor reads it, his/her soul won't rot in hell.


Someplace in swampy Dagobah, the phone rings:

Yoda: 1-800-dildooine. Yoda, this is.
Spidey: Master Yoda, will I ever get laid with MJ?
Yoda: Hard to see, the will of the Force is.
Spidey: But could you help me out? Use your Jedi mind tricks on her, perhaps?
Yoda: Only on the weak-minded, they work.
Hannah Montana: Hey, I resent that!
Spidey: Master Yoda, did you just shag Hannah Montana?!?
Yoda: Showed her the power of the Force, I did.
Spidey: You Lolita-loving dirty green muppet! Anyhoo, will you help me?
Yoda: Solve your problem I will, if Viagra you provide me.
Spidey: WTF! Do you use Viagra?!?
Yoda: When 900 years you are, wield your lightsaber as well, you won't.
Spidey: Oh my God. Listening to this is worse than fighting Doc Ock. I'm gone.
Yoda: May the Force be with you.



Painting Lessons

Rose: Master Yoda Vinci, do I really need to take my clothes off?
Yoda: A gentleman, I am. Help you, I will.

::Waves hand, clothes fall off::

Rose: Master Yoda Vinci, you're blushing. I doubt Monsieur Kenobi would have blushed.
Yoda: From the gay side of the Force, he is.

::Camera flash goes off::

Rose: Did you just take my picture naked? Weren't you supposed to paint my portrait?!?
Yoda: Portraits do not make one great. Wank off to your pic, I will. Farewell, mon coeur de la mer.

::Waves non-wanking hand, Rose's ship sinks::

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Ha!

Of course not, say what you want!